Jeremy Clarkson on the Hyundai Veloster: "An accountant in a clown suit".

[Kowalski]

Spoiler: He hates it. But, it's classic Clarkson so you've got to read it.

Clarkson on the Hyundai Veloster

James May claims that he knows when he is driving a car with character and panache because a fizzing sensation engulfs the root of his penis.

Unfortunately, because my groin is unmoved by inanimate objects, I have to rely on other means to determine whether a car has flair and zing and all the little things that somehow elevate it from something you need to something you want.

I don't know what these ‘means' are. I have not the vaguest clue how I know the Fiat Panda has character and the Toyota Avensis does not. There is not one single tangible reason why I love the Ferrari 458 Italia but only respect the McLaren MP4-12C. Both cars do the same thing and make the same noise, but one makes your heart sing and the other doesn't.

It's even more peculiar with the Range Rover Evoque and the Land Rover Freelander. Both come from the same people and are designed to do the same job, but one is a tool that will not stir James's tool into action. And one is a tool that will.

We see this not just with cars, but with other machines as well. Why, for instance, do I find the Boeing 777 boring, but get all bouncy when I note that I'm boarding a 747? They are both the same. But they are not. It's a similar story with telephones. Blackberrys cause me to fall into a deep sleep. iPhones don't. The list goes on. People will make a pointless journey in a train if it's being pulled by a steam locomotive. I will buy anything made by Bang & Olufsen.

And even though it's crap, I love the AK-47 so much that I'd rather fight for the Russian army than ours. Just so I could have one. I suppose it's the same with women. You meet thousands and thousands, and there are many whom you respect and like. Then one day, you meet a girl who has lungs and ears just like all the others, but you fall in love. Often, this will be accompanied by a fizzing sensation in the root of your penis.

All of this brings me neatly on to the Hyundai i40, which is a medium-sized saloon car from a giant Korean corporation. It was designed to match the Toyota Avensis and the Volkswagen Passat, and it does so in every way. Which means it's right up there with your dishwasher and your tumble dryer and your boiler as a household product that should - and hopefully will - give many years of faithful service.

Many people who are not interested in cars bought smaller Hyundais under Peter Mandelson's idiotic scrappage scheme, and I'm sure that - to a man and woman - they're all delighted with their new purchase. It's much easier to drive and much less likely to go wrong than the rusty bag of bolts they sent to the knacker's yard.I have no problem with any of this. I quite understand that many, many people see the car as a necessary evil. An expense they can do without. A white good. That's fine. I won't pour scorn on them any more than I would expect Jeremy Paxman to pour scorn on me for buying my trout from a supermarket rather than standing in freezing river water and catching one.
So, yes. If you are reading this in a dentist's waiting room, only because the woman opposite has Hello and the only alternative is a knitting magazine, then buy a Hyundai. Or wait a couple of years and buy a Geely Beauty Leopard, or a JAC J7 from the Chinese. Because it'll be just as reliable and even cheaper.

However, I can't see anyone buying Hyundai's newest car - the Veloster. Because, if you are not interested in cars, you will wonder why it has two doors on one side and only one on the other. And why it has scoops on the bonnet, and why it costs £17,995 when for two-thirds of that you can buy a Hyundai i10, which is easier to park and uses less fuel. And if you are interested in cars, you will hate it on a cellular level, because this is a car that's trying to be something it isn't - interesting.

The brochure talks about ‘sporty acceleration' and a ‘true racing driver experience', but that's like calling me slim and handsome. It's b*ll*cks. This is one of the dreariest cars I've ever driven.Dreary doesn't really matter in a hatchback or a saloon, but it emphatically does matter in a car like this.

We all know the Capri was a Cortina in a posh frock, but we put up with the humdrum underpinnings because it looked so good. We would even pay more. It was the same with the old Hyundai Coupe. That wasn't much cop to drive, but it looked a bit like a Ferrari, if you were far away and it was misty, and, because of that, it was fine.Then you have the Mitsubishi Evo. That looks terrible, but we'll pay the extra and put up with the yawnmatic styling because it's a hoot to drive, because it has character and flair and zing and all the other things that make James's penis quiver.

The Veloster does none of these things. The styling doesn't work at all. It's silly. And because of the split rear screen, you can't see what's behind you. Don't get me started on the doors, either. No, actually, do get me started. What were they thinking of? I realise that a child can't get out into the traffic, and that's nice, but when you're in a car park, or at home, having to shuffle over the seats to get out is a bloody nuisance.

You get the impression that if this car worked in an office, it would have a sign on its desk saying ‘You don't have to be mad to work here...' signifying to everyone that it is the most boring person in the building.

But it's the drive that's worse, because there is not a single thing that leaps out and holds your attention. The engine is an engine. The gearbox is a gearbox. The steering is electric, but not in a good way, and the touchscreen ‘media centre' mentioned in the brochure is a radio.I was stuck behind a Peugeot on a drive up the Fosse Way last night, and, even though there were many long straights with nothing coming the other way, I simply couldn't be bothered to overtake.Hyundai has made this car using all of the lessons it's learned over the years about long warranties and good quality.

But what the company doesn't understand is that when you make a car that's supposed to be interesting, it needs to be interesting.It needs to make a sporty noise, or look good, or corner well. It needs to have a feel, a certain unquantifiable something that sets it apart from the herd. An invisible beckoning finger. A come-hither look in its headlights. It needs to feel like it was made by an enthusiast, someone who likes cars, someone who understands the mechanics of James's sausage. Because, if it doesn't, what you end up with is a Veloster. An accountant in a clown suit.

http://www.topgear.com/uk/jeremy-clarkson/jeremy-clarkson-top-gear-column-march-2012-03-22

I have to agree wholeheartedly with him on this one. It's the stupidest car ever made.

 

[Gianclaudio]

Hahaha, I saw it on TG's website some days ago. Just about, must agree too. What a ridiculous, fugly car the Veloster is.

Regards

 

[speed_kills]

I can only smile when I read a review of Clarkson dissing foreign brands. Poor brits. Such bitterness.

 

[martinbo]

I can only smile when I read a review of Clarkson dissing foreign brands. Poor brits. Such bitterness.

So Clarkson is a poor, bitter Brit because he doesn't like the absolutely fickle Veloster (but appreciates "foreign" cars like the 458 and EVO) but your estimation? Please, we don't need your kind of prejudice here. Worthless post, really.

 

[speed_kills]

So Clarkson is a poor, bitter Brit because he doesn't like the absolutely fickle Veloster (but appreciates "foreign" cars like the 458 and EVO) but your estimation? Please, we don't need your kind of prejudice here. Worthless post, really.

Yes, when you think of the bristish automotive industry and when all of it is foreign own, I find it funny when I see him dissing foreign companies who actually made it on them selves in this competitive market. Is as worthless post as Clakrson opinion on the Veloster and is prejudice on Korean cars. I'm not a fan of the Veloster either, but I understand the move by Hyundai, it needs a bigger engine and a better handling and still be relieble. If it's not overly priced I think it will sell enough. If Hyundai fixes all of the problem's, in the end he will still say " It's a Hyundai.." to downplay it.

 

[hoffmeister_fan]

The thing is about Clarkson is he's rather Anglo-centric, and he makes no apologies about that. Which is fine by me as there's nothing wrong in taking pride in one's nation. And, yes, he does toss a bone to all the storied, established makes like your Ferraris, M-Bs, Porsches, etc., especially if they are from the "Olde World." But my issue with Clarkson is how little credit he's willing to give to those outside that circle. The leaps and bounds that Hyundai/Kia has taken is impressive. Their design, which has been headed by ex-VAG designers, is much more interesting and cohesive yet mostly embraced. Their reliability has gone up significantly. Hyundais and Kias used to be bought only if you were on a shoestring budget. Now they are readily competing with the more established mainstream players. Heck, even their luxury offerings are pretty decent for a rookie. Now, I'm not expecting the Veloster to stir my soul, but it's a hatchback for the masses. It is what it is. If someone was expecting MINI-like dynamics, that someone is either oblivious, delusional, or both. But I doubt it's that dreadful of a ride as he makes out to be.

Let's take the LFA episode of Top Gear where Hamster was the driver....both Hammy and Clarkson commended the LFA's capabilites, however they placed a big 'but' after all the adulation...."It's a Lexus." I mean, if M-B or BMW did a car exactly like the LFA the way Toyota/Lexus went about it, they would have had rose petals falling from the sky and prance about like they were winged cherubs with harps from a fairy tale and wax poetic on how everything was bespoke.

That's why I like James May, he's dry and yet he doesn't feel the need to hyperbolize everything for the sake of capturing his audience's attention. But most of all, of the three, he's the most objective as he gives each car a fair shake and sees the car for what it is.

But I'll say this about Clarkson, his review about the new 911....his editorializing about how technology has made life more needlessly complicated instead of simplified, as is the intention of every gadget that's introduce to the mass public, is absolutely spot-on.

 

[Kowalski]

The £17,995 question:

Hyundai Veloster 1.6 for £17,995 or one of these or this or this?

Or maybe a Renaultsport Clio 200 Cup for £17,210 or an Skoda Fabia vRS for £16,915? Or perhaps one of these for £16,450?

 

[mini_cooper4]

I completely agree with him on this one
I don't think the Veloster looks that bad but then again it doesn't look right

 

[deity]

The thing is about Clarkson is he's rather Anglo-centric, and he makes no apologies about that. Which is fine by me as there's nothing wrong in taking pride in one's nation. And, yes, he does toss a bone to all the storied, established makes like your Ferraris, M-Bs, Porsches, etc., especially if they are from the "Olde World." But my issue with Clarkson is how little credit he's willing to give to those outside that circle. The leaps and bounds that Hyundai/Kia has taken is impressive. Their design, which has been headed by ex-VAG designers, is much more interesting and cohesive yet mostly embraced. Their reliability has gone up significantly. Hyundais and Kias used to be bought only if you were on a shoestring budget. Now they are readily competing with the more established mainstream players. Heck, even their luxury offerings are pretty decent for a rookie. Now, I'm not expecting the Veloster to stir my soul, but it's a hatchback for the masses. It is what it is. If someone was expecting MINI-like dynamics, that someone is either oblivious, delusional, or both. But I doubt it's that dreadful of a ride as he makes out to be.

Let's take the LFA episode of Top Gear where Hamster was the driver....both Hammy and Clarkson commended the LFA's capabilites, however they placed a big 'but' after all the adulation...."It's a Lexus." I mean, if M-B or BMW did a car exactly like the LFA the way Toyota/Lexus went about it, they would have had rose petals falling from the sky and prance about like they were winged cherubs with harps from a fairy tale and wax poetic on how everything was bespoke.

That's why I like James May, he's dry and yet he doesn't feel the need to hyperbolize everything for the sake of capturing his audience's attention. But most of all, of the three, he's the most objective as he gives each car a fair shake and sees the car for what it is.

But I'll say this about Clarkson, his review about the new 911....his editorializing about how technology has made life more needlessly complicated instead of simplified, as is the intention of every gadget that's introduce to the mass public, is absolutely spot-on.

Hyundai and Kia's designs have been getting better, but they're still far from the experienced European/Japanese brands which have had years of trial and error to experiment with. Is it so surprising that Jeremy doesn't prefer the Hyundai? The styling is not particularly harmonious, his comments on the practicality are very valid, and it does feel like a "cheesy", "phony" car. Nothing he said crossed the line.

And while I personally don't care that the LFA is a Lexus, the truth is, many people will. At the end of the day, the BRAND is still not as prestigious as a Ferrari, or a Lamborghini. If someone only asked for the brand of car you were driving, it sounds way nicer to say you drive some exotic Italian automobile. For the sake of proving a point, just imagine the LFA as a Toyota. Yes, its still an engineering marvel in every sense of the word, and the car screams wealth, but its just not what the brand stands for. This is exactly why companies will literally pour billions of dollars to create an image. Its so that when people review their cars, its "This thing drives like a dream", not "But it's a Lexus".

If Geely makes a competent M5 competitor priced at 200k, would you buy it?

 

[Monster]

Humm...seems to me the Australians can't get enough of this car, I saw a girl driving around in one of these a full 3 weeks before it was officially released in Australia.

Hyundai Veloster a sell-out success


Asymmetrical coupe a hit with buyers aged 17 to 70.

A car with a split personality has become the surprise hero of the Hyundai line-up.

The brand that built its reputation with budget-conscious buyers has sold out of its new premium sports coupe.

The Veloster - which has one door on the driver's side and two on the passenger's side - was part of Hyundai's plan to bring emotional appeal to its vehicles.

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But the $23,990 coupe has been too popular and some customers will have to wait up to three months to take delivery.

The Korean car maker has been caught short, selling out of its first allocation of vehicles.

The chief executive of Hyundai Australia, Mr Edward Lee, says: "We forecast to sell 150 Velosters per month, but after one month we have sold 411. We have less than one month's supply in dealer stock."

The company has put in an urgent call to its Korean headquarters to more than double the number of Velosters coming to Australia.

Mr Lee says he initially expected the Veloster to account for just 2.2 per cent of the company's annual sales in Australia - 2000 of the 90,000 cars it plans to sell this year. But it turns out that was too pessimistic.

"We could sell more than double," Mr Lee says, indicating he has ordered at least 4000 Velosters to arrive this year.

Hyundai Veloster a sell-out success

I really don't know why any 70 years old will buy one of these, perhaps they were extremely confused, or they bought it for their grand children.

 

[Human]

So it'l go on a waiting list, the "wow" factor will be gone sooner than later (as with all Korean offerings). This will give cars like the new A-class the needed boost, good!

 

[martinbo]

Look, as a clear petrolhead it's obvious that I'm a substance-over-style kind of person and so I personally view the Veloster as frivolous when judged according to my value drivers. But there's no denying that there's an entirely serious side to this car and it's importance in the market can't be underestimated. The key thing that the Veloster does bring is a big dose of distinctiveness to the cheap and cheerful segment. This car has huge Hipster generation appeal because, for many, it will be fun, funky and fashionable.

Sure, underneath all that cosmetic surgery it's no thoroughbred - just run-of-the-mill hatchback underpinnings - but how many car consumers really have any idea what a MacPherson strut or torsion beam rear axle is?

The Veloster's not special like the BRZ-86 twins - it is, in fact, the coupé-antithesis of them - but that's clearly not the point; this is all about style and distinction for the masses. It'll do very well for some time to come...

 

[Human]

I cannot deny the fact that I do not have any empathy towards Hyundai or KIA. But Martin gets to the point as it stands: "this is all about style and distinction for the masses."

For the same reasons, the F20 1er and cars like the new A-class wins by Style and Distinction (Scott27 explained this phenomenon very well) and love or hate any of the resent offerings addressing just that, style by design and being deliberately different (even ugly for "us" as Martinbo puts it: "Look, as a clear petrolhead it's obvious that I'm a substance-over-style kind of person") this works perfectly for OEM's and those offerings are selling like hot-cakes.

So expect more weird, wonderful, distinctive and in some cases ugly soon

Edit: That's why IMO why the WOW factor will not last, the next offering as discussed on the showroom floor is just around the corner. So, the next to "wow" the masses gets the cake!

 

[Guibo]

And while I personally don't care that the LFA is a Lexus, the truth is, many people will. At the end of the day, the BRAND is still not as prestigious as a Ferrari, or a Lamborghini.

That's fine, but Lexus have already adusted production volume accordingly: They're not Ferrari or Lamborghini but then they're not chasing Ferrari or Lamborghini sales volumes. TG made little to no acknowledgment that the LFA was never intended to be a full-on Lambo/Ferrari competitor in the marketplace, and little acknowledgement of the car's use as a manufacturing exercise to research CF production done in-house. The way we see TG's verdict on the LFA, it looks almost like a self-perpetuating cycle: Only those brands already with the prestige will ever go on to favorable reviews that have nothing to do with prestige, while those brands that offer a viable alternative (or even a better product) than the established marques will never be able to break into the higher ranks based purely on prestige.

As for Clarkson and the Veloster, he seems to miss the point of the car (and many others like it). The market is so varied that a variation in bodystyle can be enough to bring success. A car might not be as good as another car underneath but it doesn't have to be. Clarkson says for a lower price you can have an i10. Well, what if you don't want an i10, would rather have a quirky, novel coupe like the Veloster, and can afford it? You could have a GTI, but what if you don't want a GTI?
His complaint about the doors is curious too. Because if you had a purely 2-door coupe, you'd have the same exact problem of scrambling over seats. Only now, it's worse because you don't have your own door with which to exit.

A possible problem, as I see it regarding the uniqueness of its styling, is the success it's having in the US:
View attachment 198df9f237a08ccb136e65b11968c422.jpeg

Against perceived competitors like the CRZ and Scion tC, it runs the risk of being too ubiquitous.

 

[Beemer B773ER]

This car has huge Hipster generation appeal because, for many, it will be fun, funky and fashionable.

That's the money sentence right there.

 

[Soup]