The Snake, The Mongoose, and The Zookeeper


Augenstein1

Autobahn Newbie
Back in the sixties, a couple of U.S. guys running top fuel dragsters in the big time attained quite a bit of success and resulting fame – picking up nicknames along the way. Don Prudhomme was known as “The Snake”, because of his slim build and very sharp starting line reflexes, while Tom McEwen became known as “The Mongoose”, because he would run just as hard as Prudhomme did, winning just as often.

A third up and coming guy in the business was John Mulligan, who started getting a name for himself by beating the other two big guns fairly often, and that name became “The Zookeeper”. The other two guys have led long and happy professional drag racing lives, but The Zookeeper was tragically killed in a racing accident back around 1969 or 1970.

OK, so what in the hell does this have to do with a car review?

Hang on, Bunky, I’m gettin’ to it. Just as German car builders have certain proclivities, such as “never use one part where two or more will do”, long term readers of mine on other sites have learned that one of mine is “never use one word where two or more will do”.
smile.webp


Be that as it may, I’ve recently gotten quite a lot of seat time in a couple of M3s and a C63, and thought I’d post my thoughts. Yeah. Yet one more M3-C63 comparison.

First of all, the C63 is The Snake. It’ll strike very hard, very quickly, from about any speed in pretty much any gear. It’s not only very fast, but it feels really fast because of that instantly available torque. Plus that exhaust note, of course. It’s to die for, and frankly, I don’t understand how Mercedes gets away with it. They apparently do, though, so who am I to question it? I have to say that I tend to tread lightly when I see any gendarmes around, though. Just reflex, but you never know.

We have the C63 for the next eight months or so because Rich, my military flyboy son, has been called to Afghanistan, and he’s left a couple of cars with us for safekeeping. Commander Augenstein has been boring holes in the sky with F/A18s and F5s for the U.S. Navy since the early ‘90s, but on this assignment, he’s going to be responsible for repatriating Taliban members who have laid down their arms. Sounds fun, no?
smile.webp


In any event, in my opinion the Merc has some very sharp capabilities when compared to the bimmer, such as:

- better low-speed “street” steering feel
- a better overall sound track
- power everywhere
- extremely good overall street handling and feel - but see more below
- a very smooth and sharp automatic. Very smooth in the “comfort” setting, sharper than that in “sport”,and even sharper than that in "manual".
- overall, and at full chat (as they say in the U.K.), a feeling that you are being hurled down the road by God’s own hand.
smile.webp


On the other hand, the C63 displays some lesser habits, as well, such as:

- a rock-hard ride. OK, maybe I exaggerate a little here, but nobody’s gonna describe the ride as anything but hard, even if granite may be an over-the-top reference. Car & Driver currently prefers to use terms such as “flinty”, or “brittle”, but whatever term you use, the only way you can duplicate this type of ride in a current M3 is if you dial up the adjustable shocks to the “punish” setting. OK, “sport” or whatever they call it.
- When running at eight tenths (or possibly, ahem, a little better), understeer starts to rear its head. Yeah, I know the bimmer understeers too when you press it some, but not as much. You can always push the loud pedal harder to free up the rear in the Merc, but that’s a dicey proposition on the street, at best. Of course, you’re going quite fast when you encounter this tendency to go straight (hence my assessment of very good overall handling), but even so, the car is not particularly endearing in this approach-the-limit mode.
- Painful seats. Yup, you read right. They look good, and for that matter they feel good as well when I’m doing my “lap” (the roughly sixteen-mile loop of secondary farm roads that I traverse from time to time when I need some grins), but when going for a couple of hours or more across country, you’ll start getting those butt and thigh cramps because you can’t move around much. I think the M3 will also offer up this problem, but haven’t done more than an hour or so at a time in the car, at which point I felt less comfortable than when I first belted up, but not cramped up yet.
- Miserable fuel economy. I got just over 21 mpg on a 70% highway, 140-mile trip, with no high jinks involved. I guess that’s not absolutely horrific given the two-ton weight and big engine, but still…

OK, now for the M3.

I’ve recently spent a fair bit of cockpit time, mostly in another six-speed car (like the first two I drove), but also a dealer test drive in an automatic car with ZCP, or whatever you call the sportier handling package.

It’s The Mongoose.

Compared to the C63, this is the dance partner of choice, or, as I’ve put it in the past, it’s a better back-road bandit. It also exhibits a much better ride/handling compromise, which of course is one of the secrets to superior back-road banditry. Of course, these two characteristics are shared by nearly all BMWs, which, in my opinion, differentiate them. BMW “M” engineering has also apparently made a corporate pact with the devil in regard to the M3, because the engine and drive train seem to have no rotational inertia at all. None. Hamilton, Webber, Vettel, Button and Alonso would all be proud to have their names on the cam covers, I think.

OK, maybe I exaggerate a bit, but this engine is just so damned zingy and eager when you’re pushing it that you just can’t help grinning, or even giggling, not that manly men would ever, ever do that, of course.

Compared to The Snake, The Mongoose has all the moves, and just may not be there when The Snake strikes. Long-time readers may remember my disenchantment with BMW’s piling on of the lard in their M cars, but the E9x clearly can more than hold its own with any of its direct competitors.

Compared to the Merc, it has:

- creamier, more intuiitive steering at speed
- a lovely transition from merely willing to absolutely joyous as you roll over to the right-hand side of the tach – particularly as you near redline and the hairs begin to stand up on the back of your neck from that amazing sound
- a very nice (and traditional BMW) feeling to the six-speed linkage as you go through the gears
- lightning-fast shifts from the auto when you gun it
- a better ride, even with the standard shock/spring package
- better “bump management”, particularly when you’re seriously hauling the mail
- the most amazing torque curve I have ever seen, losing only about 11% off peak over a 4400 rpm span. Just astounding for a smog-legal street engine.
- as mentioned, really, really good overall body control when you’re out for that early-Sunday-morning joy ride

On the down side:

- At low speeds and around town, the steering is just too light for my tastes, compared with the Merc (or a 128, for that matter).
- Around town and at part throttle, the car feels lazy, again compared with the Merc. You need to use quite a lot of throttle and rpm to liven it up. It’s OK, mind you, but definitely not eager.
- The engine note is absolutely riveting when you wind it up, but that C63 sound is there everywhere from idle to redline. When you do a cold start in the Merc, you get this nasty bark as the engine first catches. It makes you want to get going just as soon as possible. OK, that last 12-1400 rpm in the bimmer is definitely soul music, but how often are you going to do that? The Merc is an aural delight from every engine speed to every other speed.
- Overall, the M3 only comes alive when you’re really going for it. This is a cause for celebration for M devotees, and I understand that fully, but for me, having a car excite me right from startup in the garage is better.
- Although extremely sharp when you’re pushing it, the automatic is not very impressive in general driving. In my opinion, there’s nothing yet that can compete with a torque converter for creaminess while just puttering around. Let’s hope that changes.
- Miserable fuel mileage, particularly when you consider that this is a roughly 3600 pound car with a four-liter motor.

Summing up between the two, they are both terrific cars overall, with great strengths and some weaknesses. Those that prefer sane behavior while commuting or just driving around, with insanity available via matted throttle and two (or three or four) downshifts may very well prefer the bimmer, while those that prefer constant insanity will definitely go for the Merc.

Let’s face it, though. While the Merc gets the nod for straight speed, in reality the two cars are very close. Likewise, in the twisties the bimmer is better, but the Merc is no slouch. You just have to work a little harder as you get nearer the limits. The road testers like to emphasize one or another attribute and contrast that with the other car because it makes for more drama and sells more magazines, but in reality, the C63 is only a little off the pace around a typical track, while the M3 will absolutely be close in a drag race, particularly with the automatic.

Having said all that I’d like to call it a draw, but for me, choosing between the cars means the bimmer gets the “automatic” nod – in six-speed, please.
smile.webp
I haven’t matured enough to prefer an automatic – of whatever design. These cars are so closely matched in my mind that the gearbox becomes the deciding factor.

Oh.

The Zookeeper?

Last month, I flew down to Fort Worth, dropped my son off at DFW for the first leg of his trip to Afghanistan, and turned The Zookeeper northeast to get back to Pennsylvania.

It’s a 2005 Pontiac GTO which my son has owned since new. Some of you may remember this model. It’s the Australian Holden Monaro, modified as necessary for U.S. use, with a Corvette LS2 small block, rated at 400 HP, ahead of a six-speed gearbox. Nicely balanced chassis with good turn-in, too. Weighs about 3800 pounds equipped the way this one is, falling right between the M3 and C63. A stock GTO wouldn’t go head to head with either the bimmer or the Merc in the twisties (I suspect in part because of the longer wheelbase and a power to weight deficit), but it wouldn’t end up in another zip code, either. Good brakes, as well. The buckets are comfy on the long haul, too. Averaged 25 mpg on the 1500 mile jaunt, running nine mph over the limit everywhere I drove, except for traffic, construction, etc. According to the onboard computer, 70 mph was the average speed for the trip, including traversing surface streets for gas, food and lodging.

It pulls smoothly from 1000 rpm in sixth, as well.

However, this ain’t just any Corvette-powered Holden Monaro.

In addition to an aftermarket “competition” shifter kit obtained from down under, this car is equipped with a “Procharger” supercharger and intercooler setup.

Result? 512 horsepower at the rear wheels, at 6500 rpm. It was still climbing nicely at that point on the chart, but 6500 is the red line. Peak torque is 443 pound feet at around 4800 rpm, with about 350 pound feet available at 2200, which was where the dyno run started. So, we’re looking at around 600 flywheel ponies, with around 520 pound feet of torque, with 410 pound feet available at 2200. Some would say even more, since the T56 is said to be something of a power eater.

What does this translate to?

A grown man giggling, that’s what.

Item: I’m cruising on Interstate 81 in Virginia at a true 79 mph when a C6 Vette slowly overtakes me, going perhaps 80 or 81 mph. He looks over and nods. I look over and downshift to fourth. OK, I admit to thinking “When was the last time you did this?” at the time, but there’s nobody else out here, so what the heck. I tickle the gas a couple of times, staying even, and then he mats the automatic and jumps out.

OK, you’re probably thinking “Why fourth at that speed?”, but I didn’t know what third gear was good for, speedwise, so I tried to keep it safe, mechanically speaking.

Result? I stop him immediately, and then just walk away. I’m about four cars up and pretty much loping away when he gives up, so I immediately let up and shift to sixth, backing down to 79 mph.

That’s when I began giggling. We solemnly swap nods as he eventually creeps by, but I’m having trouble controlling my face.

Later, with nobody around, I try third at that speed, and it’ll pull your face off compared to fourth. Gets to over 100 before you have to shift, as well. More giggling. Overall, I’d describe the acceleration as “chiropractic”.

Yup. It’s the Zookeeper, all right.
smile.webp


Bruce
 
Bruce,

You are one of the best writer on any forum, I do enjoy reading your replies as they are as witty as they are informative. :usa7uh:

P.S.
The appeal of all that power and noise from the C63 is hard to ignore and no surprise your son picked it over an M3.
 
Those names, how the heck did you got those names from?, they are crazy :D

Hey, they're not made up, I just remembered them.

On the other hand, I must've made up that part about giggling. Since manly men don't giggle, and my sons and I are manly men...

Must've dreamed that part...:)

Bruce

PS - They are pretty cool names for these cars, though. If you've read "Rikki Tikki Tavi", you'll probably feel that the snake is the bad guy, and the mongoose is the good guy (and of course if you're an M3 fan...), but out here on the actual planet, the mongoose sometimes loses out.
 
Epilogue:

Well, my son has made it back from Afghanistan unscathed, and is preparing to take "The Snake" (aka "The Baron", so named because it's red :) ) on a four to five week trip around much of the U.S. while on leave. Then it's back to Fort Worth, Texas, where he is the XO at a combined Navy/Air Force base outside of town.

The Zookeeper is no longer with us ("You sell it, Dad. I can't."), having been turned in to a local dealer last Fall for use by his track-crazed son.

Having put quite a few miles on the GTO, I could definitely understand Rich's mixed emotions in regard to getting rid of this car, the third one in his stable.

It was smooth, quiet, comfortable, relatively economical - and somewhere in the neighborhood of Z06 fast. Handled well, too.

Just recently heard the kid blew it up.

Oh well.

When I mentioned this to my son a couple of weeks back, his comment was "Rest in peace/pieces."

Meanwhile, the C63 is a better car than when it was turned over to us last August. It's been chipped (OE Tuning), a Quaife has been hurled into the previously open rear, and it has a set of Michelin's newest hot-damn sneakers on all four corners.

Most chip tuners claim somewhere in the vicinity of 50 extra ponies in this car, and although I haven't dynoed the thing, it certainly feels as if at least that many have been added to the thundering herd. In fact, with temps in the forties, full throttle wasn't really feasible until third gear. Now, with temps near 70, second gear is fully usable. On the worn PS2s, it felt as if it was right on the edge of breaking loose at that temperature, but hanging on.

The Quaife is dead silent, and I'd swear The Baron charges through corners better with it installed - and of course it charges OUT of corners better.

The Michelin Pilot Super Sports just installed seem to be simply terrific. Turn-in is better than with the original Pirellis on the front, even though the P-Zeros were worn down to just above the wear bars - where you'd expect dry traction to be close to max. Pulling out with alacrity (albeit not at full throttle) has the PSS sneakers just flat sticking where the pretty much bald PS2s were complaining bitterly - in French, I presume. Again, you'd assume bald is the way to go on dry roads, so the new Michelin sneakers seem to be the real thing.

Of course, the fronts are one size over (245/40 18s), while the rears are two sizes over at 275/35 18s. No problems with rubbing/scraping.

The original Pirelli rears lasted for 6600 miles, while the replacement standard-size PS2s went for another 8100 miles before giving up the ghost last week. The PS2s had a wear rating of 220, while the new PSS boots are rated at 300.

Dare I dream it? Will this car actually make it to 25,000 miles before Michelin's newest go pool-table flat where the rubber meets the road? Oh, be still my heart.

The car was terrific fun when we got it, and is even more fun in mildly modified form, but I won't be down at the mouth while waving it goodbye. I know I'll join the dark side sooner or later, but for now, I'm still stuck in the dark ages, stirring my own gears.

Bruce

PS - If you are in the market for new sneakers for your C63, M3, or other hot-damn machine, my advice is to pop for the PSS Michelins instead of the old tried and true PS2s. They just flat seem to explore new territory for a street tire.
 

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