Top 5 Regrets From Dying People

[Cashmere]

Interesting read. Any particular point which you agree/disagree with?

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve
weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


By Bronnie Ware

 

[Centurion]

Some pretty good ones there. I reached quarter life this year in January and had some reflections about life and what not and now I'm so much more comfortable and settled than before. I go karting every now and then which I never did before when I wasn't at uni. I still work dead hard but have better mastered the art of being ambitious without rushing but enjoying life along the way too.

Next year I'll get a grip on traveling. Which is obviously expensive but I do feel that I need to leave London every three months or so. It's such a pressure cooker for an urban jungle.

 

[Padi]

Luckily I'm still young, practically everything is still possible for me. All I've thought of is to become an engineer or going to the school of economics, because I'd that way get a safe, well payed job. Only recently I've started to realize what I really want, have realized that I don't want to first study 5-7 years after high school just to work 50 years in some poorly air-conditioned lab or office with a couple of sweaty co-workers, constantly working overtime not to lose my job, I've started to realize I belong to the woods instead, starting to seriously think about becoming a timber man. Sure, that way I'll never be driving an M3 et.c. but I'd prefer that more than to regret later on my deathbed that I became another office worker instead of a timber man.
Besides, future doesn't look that good for us Caucasians anyway, Asians are soon going to fill the majority of the well payed jobs anyway.

 

[Mr Robert]

The "staying in touch with friends" part can be really hard, at least if you, like me, have moved around quite a bit.

 

[Zonda]

If one lives ones life in order to avoid those regrets right there, one would die alone.

 

[Centurion]

The "staying in touch with friends" part can be really hard, at least if you, like me, have moved around quite a bit.

Great opportunity for you to travel and visit friends while you're at it

 

[MoSs]

"I wish I had spent all my money" lol

 

[K-A]

"I wish I had spent all my money" lol

Now ain't that the toughest one to consider.

Build up a hoard of cash which disallows you the fruits of using it (want that Ferrari? You only live once, right?), or spend all the cash you make in the case that you pass at some unforeseen moment, yet instead you may live a long time, with some nice stuff, but stressed out and with no "security buffer" because you have little money in the bank.

The classic question.

 

[Centurion]

Now ain't that the toughest one to consider.

Build up a hoard of cash which disallows you the fruits of using it (want that Ferrari? You only live once, right?), or spend all the cash you make in the case that you pass at some unforeseen moment, yet instead you may live a long time, with some nice stuff, but stressed out and with no "security buffer" because you have little money in the bank.

The classic question.

For that, there's Mastercard

 

[Cashmere]

Being an introvert, #3 has been a bit of a realization for me lately. Thankfully its not too late and I am working towards overcoming that barrier. I guess it is one of the many repercussions of growing up in a tech driven era.

I try and keep in touch with my many of my friends but also realize that as they age, their personal responsibilities overshadow friendships which is perfectly understandable.Times change, people come and go but no reason not to make new friends.