Choleric
Track Technician
- Messages
- 3,755
These are a few rules that I think all girls should follow or attempt to follow. You always hear rules and gripes from the female side. So I decided to turn the tables a little bit. At the very least I think that they need to know them. Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!
1. Yes, No, Maybe, and I don't Know are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. If it is broken we will either fix it or get a new one. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. The next time you're tempted to say, "Men just don't get it", consider this: After seeing what it does to women, who would want it?
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!
1. Yes, No, Maybe, and I don't Know are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. If it is broken we will either fix it or get a new one. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. The next time you're tempted to say, "Men just don't get it", consider this: After seeing what it does to women, who would want it?
